I’m beginning to think social media should be a privilege not a rite. And I’m talking about for adults here, not 13-year-olds. Before you go thinking I’m getting curmudgeonly, hear me out. I am certain there are  people “out there” using FaceBook, Twitter, and whatever else (except Pinterest, because that’s holy ground) for devious means. And those are the people who should be cut off at their virtual knees until they agree to play nicely on the internet playground.

I’m talking about the people who believe social media, FaceBook in particular, is their personal grievance platform. You know, the peeps who are under the false impression that “status update” means “tell us which trivial nuisance is pissing you off and ruining your day.”

It’s hard to combat the perpetual complainers. Ignoring their whiny posts does nothing to stem the tide of vitriol. And unfortunately they all seem to have an army of sympathizers who seldom comment on anything positive said by someone but are quick to “Like” and reply ad nauseum with their sympathies for the poster experiencing bad customer service from a cell phone provider. As if anyone ever has pleasant customer service from cell providers. Really folks, we just need to lower our expectations and then we won’t be disappointed by them.

 

But I digress . . .

What I think is needed to combat the negative ninnies is a 2-step passive-aggressive plan of attack. Maybe, if we all agree to join forces, we’ll convince the faultfinding fools to leave FaceBook and haunt some other outlet. Perhaps Google+ would be a good place for them since very little is going on over there.

My 2-step plan is quick and relatively painless to do. Actually, I think it could be quite fun. Here it is:

Step one: we all stop clicking the “Like” button on anything and everything negative. Yes, that includes rants on what’s wrong with the current generation, the current political pile of doo that we’re in (and we’re always in one) and whatever personal inconvenience a poster is posting.

Step two: remind the poster how fabulous his or her life really is but do it in a way that they don’t like—that is, do it in a way that makes them have to think about what you’re saying to get your point (and your point is also something they won’t like but it sounds lovely). Examples:

Post: My son’s preschool teacher doesn’t recognize genius even when it’s the cutest kid ever in her class and sitting right in front of her.

• Reply: How wonderful your child gets to go to an elite preschool where he’s taught the precious life-affirming lesson that we’re all equal!

Post: It’s too cold/hot/wet/dry outside!!!! I hate it!

• Reply: I’m so happy for you that you and all your electronic devices have a beautiful home where you can stay protected by the elements outside.

Post: I hate Mondays.

• Reply: I bet you’re glad you only have to experience them one out of every 7 days you continue to live.

Post: Ugh

• Reply: The ambulance is on the way.

Post: Any negative Emogi face.

• Reply: The plastic surgery didn’t go so well, eh? Bummer

As Richard Bach wrote: Perspective, use it or lose it.

Let’s face it, peeps. If your life is so first world that you have easy access to social media, you probably have no legitimate excuse to infect other people with your crappy moods.  Keep them to yourself. Spread some love instead of misery for a change and who knows, maybe you’ll have fewer bad days (though I can’t promise you’ll ever love Mondays).

And a happy side note: This website is in the process of getting a facelift! It will be a much more pleasant site to visit soon. Check back with me!